I AM THE CHOSEN ONE!

I AM THE CHOSEN ONE!
PURCHASE MY BOOKS:SECRETS OF THE MARSUPIAL AND THE CHI OF THE P MUNK
I WILL BE AT A BOOK SIGNING IN THE OLD TREE THE KEEBLER ELVE'S USED TO USE.
BY THE TIME YOU FIND THE BODIES I WILL BE ON TO THE NEXT TOWN GRABBING YOUR NUTS AND SELLING BOOKS.
LUCKY YOU I WILL BE SHARING WISDOM AND TID-BITS FROM MY BOOKS HERE AND THERE.
SO STAY ON GUARD AND REMEMBER...

The Clincher

The Clincher
..

My friends final project for his class.

BoHeman Rhapsody

He-Not So Manly

Toonces the Driving Cat(Watch the Hair!)

Scary Poppins

Send Me A Sequel

Jenny

Issues (Think About,Think Think About It)

Albi (The Racist Dragon)

Sometimes I Wish I Had This Much Time On My Hands

Wal-Mart On Any Given Day

Cowboy boots
Little girl,
Why the prom dress?
The produce aisle.
Family...everywhere.

The BrotherHood Of Stationary Jogging Shorts

Please,please.Modesty guys.Modesty.
One size does not fit all.
Seriously.
To each their own,but c'mon...
...i don't want your each to be my own.

Losing My Mind

So after my son's second birthday I was picking up a bit and noticed that sponge bob wasn't feeling so well so I asked him. "Why are you so sad panda bear?" he said that his feelings were hurt that everyone was hitting him cause they wanted something from him.And that's when I said "Oh Bob,Bob.It doesn't matter if you're a pinata or not.People will always hit you and bash your face in if they want something.Why,right now I'm teaching my son that it is perfectly ok to bash the face in of something you love dearly.As long as you get what you want.But mostly it's about that sweet delicious candy."

Random Kid

So the other day my daughter was outside and all of a sudden without any warning she pointed into the middle of the air and said "Look a mustache!" And that's when I realized that it is probably true that kid's really are hyper-sensitive to the fourth dimension.

Say What ?101

Q:What did Spock find in the toilet?

A:Captain's Log.

Freeze Tag With A Goat

Why God? Why?

Never Trust A Monkey

No wonder I was held back.

Crazy Jon

We don't hang out as much as we should.

Calling All Badgers

Poking badgers with phones.

Best Thing Ever

This cat should be a pirate.

Scratch This Post

How about a millipede weinercat?

I'm OK,You're OK

Who says we come from monkey's?

Darth Prank

Is this Johnny Chicken Wing Eater?

Mufasa Vader

You are the chosimba

Darth Jerk

I need a pod like this.

LeFlat :An Interview With A BodyGuard

Run Whitney. Run.

The Real American Dream

I'll bet you that the next new thing will be the most amazing boy band.It will consist of Five members:

Horrace E. Poo:
His sexy trait is his florida swampland-thick unibrow.He's the quiet the sensitive type that endorses Abstinence by singing about horrible acts that if he ever did them,he would legally be required to introduce himself to his neighbors

Max E. Pad:
He's the one that stands out because he has dreadlocks and a handlebar mustache.In his spare time he's the lighting manager for "Oprah's Big Give" And really doesn't want to be in the band because he knows that everyone is holding him back.

Bosephus Shadrack:
He's the one that does all of the "rap" parts,where the song breaks down and makes it complete.They're still not sure if he's an official member.Because c'mon,"rap" is totally replaceable.

Collin Flukerhaubensteininwalkeryawginbaum:Not much is known about this guy.He's the "mysterious" one who seems to have the bad boy image all figured out.Wears shades and drive's a jacked up truck that can only emmit bellows of evil dark smoke out of his vehicle that would spell out "I'm going to steal your girlfriend with my singing voice" But no one knows about his dirty little secret playing underground card games such as Majick the Gathering and became Grand High Pumba of the SnorffEnDorff clan and pillaged all of the Dordandins.This caused a big scandal in the world of cool.He is currently being blackmailed by a group of Tandariun Rebels and force to fork over some serious dem-dems before the bounty hunter Zim-Zim Whippy-Fett comes and speaks to his Real Life "Manager" Arlene Flukerhaubensteininwalkeryawginbaum,his mother.

Of course, and then theres the front man that can actually sing

Dante':He's the brains of the lyrics and he wrote their first song entitled "Girl"

Here's how it went:

Girl,you are my girl. Oh girl, You are my girl.Girl. Oh girly girl. You are a girl and you are my girl.Girl.
(this is where the "rap" would kick in)
Bosephus Shadrack: -G- to the -I- to the -R- to the -L- You are my girl that I know so well.Oh girl.Girly.Girly.Girl.

Oh How I do hope they make it!

Oh The Humanity

Remember that time you said "Hey guys." and some people were interested? And you became so drunk with power that you plotted a hostile takeover.The first step was to try out for some type of singing show where people would vote for you so you could stay on.The second step was to tell all of your newly adoring fans to gather all of the popsicle sticks they could.And then you never got to the third step because you got so excited that you choked on your tongue.That's when you said "Maybe that's not such a good idea"

A serious HMO

I know it sounds kind of drastic and mellow-dramatic,but go ahead,unplug the wires from your spine.

Silly Mushrooms,You're Not For Kids

"Where's Waldo? Oh. He got lost in the jungle and licked a frog?"

Ugly Disco

This is what happens when John Travolta donates to an offspring mutant child of an alligator and a horse that were in love.

Arigato!

Don't tell me you never...ever,have wanted an
"Intergalactic Robotic Drop-Kicking Ninja"?
-Oh yeah.Did I mention he BREAKDANCES!-
(check out those sneakers)

MonsterQuest

If you have seen this thing please notify local authorities.It may sneak into your cold-cuts and constantly ask for water.

Sweet,Sweet Sadness

This is my Honey Bear.(it's not what you think)
I know he has a big smile and all, but he's really self conscience about his acne so don't bring it up or anything.I think maybe it's because he spends so much time in the cupboard.He should get out more and enjoy the sun.Plus he had a falling out with Mrs. Butterworth so he's a little extra sensetive.I think I might buy him some shades to hide his deliciously sweet tears.

Who Are They Kidding Anyway?

Really.For the dining places left that still allow smoking,just ask "Will that be non-smoking or second hand?" It could prevent a lot of disclaimers.

Slowly Going The Way of The Buffalo Stance

People think that money can't buy you love.But I don't think that's necessarily true.What if it's fake 80's love?

Project Food Fight

I think we can all learn a lesson about war from this video.Hmmm.

B.C. Aerobics

Contrary to popular belief.Pontius Pilate is not the one who came up with that particular stretching.

PSA

The More You Know...

God's Creative Juices

It would be really great if somehow we could jump back in time and maybe see some of the prototypes of animals that Adam had suggested before God stepped in and said "Adam,I said THAT vegetation is NOT for your lungs:

The Millipede Weiner Dog(can fetch almost anything)
The Baboonifer(a wild monkey with long blond hair)
The Dung-Beetle-Grasshopper(imagine the disease!)
The Web-Spinning Skunk(you can't get away from the scent)
Sea-Bee's(they buzz underwater and make honey in coral)
The Grey Hound-Lizard(can run super fast,but never does)
The Saber-Tooth Hippo(it's mouth is always open)
The Slug(wait,that one got through)
The cowephant(always remembers to forget)
Spores that hatch tiny Russian dolls that eventually birth a tiny Eight-winged dragonfly.(i'd vote for this one)
Baking-Chocolate Mice(they look like they'd taste good.But they don't)
Pool ball kittens(calico vs. tuxedo)
Velcro Chickens(they make horrible pillows)
Leopard Skinned Turtles(less likely to be seen in the desert)
The Girrafant-Eater(dig ant.dig.
The HexSeraphim(may actually exist)
The Babbit-Rat(rabbit,bat,rat)
The Sloth-Eagle(The Sleagle)
Albino Black Bears(can hide anywhere except their habitat.such as a zoo)
Talking Frogs on Cereal Boxes
The Ophamimasaurus(may actually exist)
McGruff(fell through)
The Cabbit(may actually exist,i've seen one.)
The Mongoostapo(evil lunch stealing regime that wants your banana's)

My Favorite Awana's Puppet Show

I do hope I get a sticker in my book.

Shoalin Munk

Seriously.What if people did this.Oh wait....they do.

It's true,wise men do say...

Dog Mints? They do not smell each other's breath!

Happiness Runs...

If you ever explode with excitement,be careful.Sharing happiness is a good thing.But really,no one wants happiness guts all over them.

Crypto the Pygmy Gnome

Not that you should.But couldn't you just kick it? Seriously.